Today I went to Church, but after that, my day went into a downward spiral. I left church and went back to my dorm. I had to go back and forth to the third floor because i kept forgetting things. I left for lunch with the family, but got there as they were finishing up. Then I left and texted a friend to meet me to help fix my hair for my costume. She said she could help and said she would be at the fall festival about the same time it started. I said "ok," and went to Guitar Center. Played some Ukuleles and guitars. then I went to the U of A gardens to get ready for the fall festival. I had my costume on and spent thirty minutes trying to get beads to stay in my beard. (I was Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean.) After that failed for the umpteenth time, I walked in late and visited with some people. Then I left to go to a Halloween party at one of my proffessors' house and was pulled over for speeding. I didn't even see a speed limit sign! I got there, late, and they were also almost done. when i left, shortly after arriving, I went back to JBU to get to the gathering. I changed and walked in late. All i wanted to do at that point was run. Run as fast as i can in the other direction. I wanted to leave. I didn't want to be there. but i still stayed. I don't know why i did. I could've run. I should've. I guess i felt kind of like Jonah. Run in the opposite direction and hope God doesn't find you. (see how well that worked out for Jonah...) anyways, i stayed there the whole time and walked back to my dorm. I grabbed my stuff and went to my car down at north hall parking lot and then to Pour Johns. I started to order a tea, when i realized that i left my wallet back in my room. I walked out, feeling rather stupid, and then drove back to the dorm and got my wallet. went back to PJ's and then started talking to a friend. I told her how i felt. my brutal and honest opinion of how my life was going. here's how it kinda went:
"I don't see how God can use me...How can he guide someone who can't see a speed limit sign? How can he use someone who cant even get to a family lunch on time? how can he use someone as a teacher when that someone can't even keep his OWN grades up? how can he use someone who is bound to fail at everything he does?!"
Her initial response suprised me the most. and to be perfectly honest, i was thinking the same thing. "This doesn't sound like the Nathan I know," she said. I didn't know who it was that i was staring at in the mirror for a little bit tonight. But she brought up a valid point. She said the Christian walk isn't easy. "But getting deep into the word and studying it and putting your whole faith in God is important. Once you do that, the other things will take care of themselves." She's proven a valuable point. Matthew 6:33 says "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." So basically what it's saying is that if i can check things off the checklist, then i will be provided for, right? WRONG! It's saying that as long as i do what God says and give my all to do it, then God will provide what I NEED. That doesn't mean that i get a lamborghini for giving some spare change to the guy standing on the street corner. It means i get to live one more day to be able to do something similar tomorrow.
Strange how this post started out as "Why am I..." to "What can I..." Well, I need to get to bed. G'night world! Jesus loves you!
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