Private Post

So this doesn't go up on facebook (aka, DON'T POST IT!!!!), but hopefully the people who follow me will read it and know what I mean, and possibly see what I'm talking about in my life. This is not me trying to prove a point, it's just me spewing out my mind. (but what are blog posts for? haha)

Long story short, this semester is going to kick my tail. I feel like I'm going to have to pretty much give up my social life to get passing grades in all my classes, and even then, it may not work. I realize now what a mistake it was to try to be a music major. I CAN'T do it. I'm going to have enough trouble as is in my classes this semester...and these are the easier classes of being a music major!!! I do have a slight problem understanding one of my professors, and that may be part of my problem. He's far to technical and specific to be teaching me and my classmates. I don't mean to sound rude about him, because I love the man dearly! He's an amazing individual, but I just don't understand him. He reads, writes, and speaks technical language. Words that have 17 syllables are some of the smaller words in his vocabulary. I only dream of being that smart! I can barely keep the minimum GPA for my scholarships. If I lose those, I won't be here next semester. Not to mention my social life. My schedule isn't going to allow an easy work study schedule this semester. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my "super-busy-don't-plan-anything" days. I wake up at 6:45-ish, go to work study at 7 then pretty much don't stop working till 5-ish. And then I have to get ready for the endless amount of classes I have on Wednesday and Thursday, usually ending my day around 2 or 2:30 AM. Yeah, you upperclassmen may not be complaining about something like this, but I am. I'm just a freshman, still learning the ropes of when I should drink a monster, whether or not I should hang out with friends, or if I should go to sleep tonight. But I'm complaining because I'm not used to it yet. It's a change, and yes it interrupts my usual schedule of sleeping in till 1 or 2 in the afternoon. And then to my social life. It's already taken a toll. I found out a week ago that I wouldn't be able to hang out with my friends during spring break because I'll be touring around the local area with the choir. We had already made plans to go to St. Louis and then possibly Branson and then see the Hunger Games midnight premiere. This is one of the biggest struggles in my heart right now because I wanted so bad to hang out with them and get to know them more and just relax. It pretty much ruined my week and still does, because one friend keeps bringing up "Hey, we need to make plans for St. Louis and the Hunger Games [and ditching Nathan]." (they don't say that exactly, but it pretty much feels like he's saying that every time he brings it up. It kinda sucks...) And already, I feel like I'm getting left out in a lot of their activities. It hurts...not like the hurt that says "oh, I'm being left out. It's alright I'll hold my head up." It's the kind of hurt that says "I'm gonna pull you down and kick you and stab you until you can't get up again. Now that I have, I'm gonna ruin your life." Don't think I'm suicidal when I say this, but I don't know if i can make it through this semester.

So there you go. Here's my thought processes of this semester and how it's probably going to affect my attitude and life till May.

Oh, I can't add any classes or drop them because I missed the day to add, and I can't risk taking any hours OFF my schedule without going under the minimum. So if you've stuck with me this far, just keep me in your prayers. And please don't post this on Facebook. I don't want my friends and family too worried.